Anonymous asked: Total newbie question - do you actually have sex with clients, or is it a sort of "everything but" situation? If you are having sex, how is it different from prostitution (or is it)? Is it not considered prostitution because the money is not going directly from client to you (I assume it goes through the dungeon)? Seriously, no judging here, I'm just honestly curious as to how it all works. Thanks for taking questions! Really cool of you.
While there are some escorts who do BDSM work in addition to their full services, many (most!) dominatrices do not offer full services.
Typically, pro-BDSM is about the power exchange, skilled fetish/BDSM play (which is a specific skill set), and, of course, the openness to discuss/interact with desires and feelings that are considered more taboo that the typical sex stuff.
I, personally, do not engage in full services. In the dungeon I’m employed by, none of us do any kind of sex with clients—not full sex, not oral sex, not anal sex, not tit wanking, not hand jobs, not foot jobs (yes, that’s a thing). Basically, the only interaction I have with dicks is when I am causing them pain or discomfort, and it’s never for an extended period of time.
I’m surprised this hasn’t been asked by someone on here before (sex worker community FTW, I guess!). I mean, it’s a bit surprising, though, considering that even clients who should know better sometimes think that they should be the exception to the rule.
Hope that answers your question!
12:39 am • 2 June 2012 • 1 note • View comments
fuck-it-jack asked: Okay, I'll bite - I tried pro domme work, but couldn't get any legit clients. They were all timewasters and (self-described) sissies who wanted me to fuck them in the ass. not to pay though. After 3 months of fielding off timewasters I gave up. I wouldn't mind doing pro domme stuff, but how? I'm in a city of 100,000. I'm very experienced in fetish and kink stuff, more than most ask for.
There are definitely a lot of time wasters; I have a rule about not exchanging too many emails or detailing too many acts that may take place in session with clients (particularly new clients) for that very reason.
I work in a well-established dungeon that has a large client base (most of which are return clients) and several procedures set in place to best guarantee that folks who come in are dedicated to paying their part and playing by the rules. I would recommend networking with other pro-dommes or connecting with dungeons in your area. Even if you don’t end up working with them for long, you can get a feel for how they conduct their business. Even knowing where they advertise, how they screen (it may be different from what you are already doing), and how they set up their negotiation process can help a lot.
4:17 pm • 1 June 2012 • 2 notes • View comments
filthykitten-deactivated2013022 asked: 1. have you interacted much with pro-subs or switches, and do you think there is more risk in professionally bottoming than in topping/domme-ing? 2. do you work through a dungeon or network of sex workers, or do you work by yourself/for yourself?
I actually started as a pro-switch (who also took exclusively dominant/submissive sessions!). I actually wrote an article on how to navigate negotiating with professional submissives based on my experiences. I am not anymore because I don’t take much pleasure in it, despite being more on the switchy/submissive side in my personal life.
As for the risk level, I don’t know that there is more or less risk when you are a professional sub—at least, not if boundaries are being communicated/upheld well, and if the proper security is in place.
I work in a dungeon of women, and the headmistress has made it a priority to create a safe play space for everyone there. She has put policies in place that ensure that the risk is as low as possible. It’s a harm reduction model, meaning it’s about how we can be safer, since sex work in and of itself is not entirely safe.
With risk, though: I still feel that being a sex worker, even a pro-domme, is risky. While the domme may have power in the dynamic, I have definitely had submissive clients who still pushed my boundaries or acted out of turn in session—often in an effort to make me have a “real” reaction and hurt them out of anger. They wanted our play to feel non-consensual for them, believing that by acting out of turn they would elicit a more sincere response.
In terms of actual risk, the truth is that if someone wants to hurt another person, they can. If they really want to, they will—regardless of the verbal contract stating what the power balance is going to look like.
4:13 pm • 1 June 2012 • View comments
for the curious
I believe that many (most of!) my followers are sex workers.
That said, if you ever have questions about sex work, or more specifically, about professional domination, I am generally happy to answer them.
A few questions I won’t answer:
-How much money do you make?
RUDE. My finances aren’t any of your business, are they? In short: Not nearly as much as you think.
-How do I get that job?
Do some of your own research. Keep in mind that when you ask me that, you are asking me to give you—potential future competition—advice. Why would I do that?
-What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done?
Something tells me that your definition of weird and my definition of weird are significantly different.
Basically, the rules are: Curiosity is acceptable; condescension and sensationalized nosiness for the sake of judgment are not. Otherwise, I don’t mind chatting. Do realize, though: Questions you ask (through tumblr/email, at least—if you don’t know me personally) may be published.
12:56 pm • 1 June 2012 • 4 notes • View comments