This story comes from Lauren, and she won by a landslide, so you know this one is good!
Thanks to everyone who participated (and those who tolerated hella posts about it!). Winners: Soon I’ll be sending out your packages (or otherwise coordinating to give them to you). Thanks for sharing your wonderful stories and I hope you enjoy the prizes!
Now to the story…
I suppose my first sex toy would have been the detachable shower head in my mother’s one-person shower stall. It was by chance that I discovered the detachable shower head magic: I was twelve-years-old and my (wall-mounted, magic-less) shower was out of commission for a few days, resulting in my begrudgingly using my mother’s cramped, standing room only shower. While my relationship with Detachable Shower Head began innocently enough, once I found the adjustable “Jet-Pulse-Massage” settings, things evolved. Showers were new and interesting.
I was a precocious child and knew all about sex and anatomy and masturbation after reading through my mother’s medical textbooks from college and her copy of Masters and Johnson when she wasn’t looking. While I was aware of “orgasms,” my experiencing one wasn’t so much at the forefront of my mind, and I hadn’t given much serious thought to masturbation. Until Detachable Shower Head. Then, having an orgasm became a goal fueled by curiosity and the new, warm, wet awesomeness that I found myself looking forward to every night. It was sexy science!
Here’s the second prize winning story from the contest. This story in particular cracked me up! Yet another featuring awkward family moments, but this time, the storyteller is the one who was red in the face. This one is short and sweet, so give it a read and have a good laugh.
The first time I ever went into a sex shop, it wasn’t to buy a vibrator. While I looked over them longingly, what I was really there for was body paint.
I’d finally hooked up with a guy that I’d been hanging around with for a while, and I was trying to break out of my habit of being a bit shy in the bedroom. Being 19, I thought that bringing some chocolate body paint and edible glitter to the party would loosen me up a bit (alas, I hadn’t discovered the joy of booze yet). We had a weekend at his house alone (he still lived with his parents), and I was determined that it would be awesome.
Even though the staff was sweet, and the store discreet, I was beet red the whole time. That night, it took a lot of courage for me to break out the jars and actually use them. I was a little disappointed that it didn’t give me the mind-blowing sex I’d been expecting. At least the chocolate was high quality.
A week passed, and we were down at my parents’ house, hosting a cookout for everyone, his parents and mine. His dad smiled at me, then handed me a gift bag. I looked in. It was the body chocolate.
"You left it in the fridge. Nice choice, by the way."
The third prize winner is going to get two sexy porn DVDs and the Envy Petite G Vibrator, as well as some other little swag that I have picked up since the contest started!
One of our judges talked about her experience sex toy shopping with her mom and the awkwardness of parents and kids talking about sex. Our third place winner, Diva, took it to a new level by telling us about a hilarious moment with her teenage son. Also, Diva, please email me so I can get in touch with you about how to send you your prizes!
This happened to me a few years ago. I formerly did sex toy parties in people’s home. Like tupperware…but we jokingly called it fuckerware.
Most of my parties were held over the weekend. I kept everything in totes, or clear plastic boxes and normally on Sunday evenings would bring everything in from the weekend parties. Reorganize, clean everything up, re-stock, etc.
One weekend I was busy and didn’t take the stuff out of my trunk like I normally do.
FINALLY! After all this time I am elated to start announcing the winners of the Orgasmic Tales contest! I’m going to roll them out one at a time, so be sure to check back for the third, second, and first (!) place winners of the contest. Their stories will be up in the next week!
Back to the major topic at hand, though:
We had so many good entries, and there was a close run for third place. Since I ended up getting extra donations, fourth place is going to get a little surprise too! I wanna spread the (self) love!
Fourth place goes to one of our Anonymous contributors who shared her story of sexual frustration and how it led to learning how to squirt. Female ejaculation—oh my!
So I was 19, jogging around the track at the Columbia University gym on a Friday night, and it occurred to me that I hadn’t had an orgasm yet. Not a new thought (trust me, I knew this fact well) but I suddenly decided that it was time, like NOW. I think I actually cut my workout short to take the subway to the village, where an old man promised me that the Wabbit would make me “come like wattah … and if it does not … . maybe you can try me?” Super creative. Hit on a girl in a sex store.
Luckily, I didn’t have to “try him” because the Wabbit really did make me come like wattah. In fact, I think that man, like, blessed/cursed me because now I am a bona fide squirter. That vibrator was awesome. Yes, I did say “was.” Here is my sad story:
Some of the judges have taken a bit longer to deliberate than others. Busy lives! Busy summers! I’m waiting on one more vote for the stories, then winners will be announced next week. Don’t worry. Your prizes are still waiting for you. :)
First of all: A belated thank you to all who entered!
The judges are still assessing the stories (we all have lives and stuff! Bummer, I know), but we are almost finished calculating who won. The stories are all fantastic, and it has definitely been tough to judge them.
Secondly: While you’re waiting for results, go vote for your favorite using the Disqus up voting system. There’s a prize for People’s Choice, and we need YOUR help figuring out who we should pick!
As many of you have seen, some of the lovely judges have shared their own noteworthy sex toy stories on their various blogs. Here are some of the stories for you to catch up on, if you haven’t already:
Now that this contest is almost (!!!!) at an end, after a month of being open, I thought I’d send it out with my own story as well.
The origins of my experimentation with sex toys (or finding objects to, ahem, pose as such) is not unlike the story already submitted about using a showerhead and other powered jetstreams to propel an orgasmic experience. Even before I really knew what masturbation was, I was an avid fan of wanking, and came up with all kinds of creative ways to get off.
It took some time to discover that there were, in fact, toys that were invented for the sole purpose of achieving the nameless sensation that I enjoyed so much. A big thank you to my second boyfriend who, when I was fifteen, introduced me to the wonderful world of the glittery absurdities that can fit in and around my vagina.
For today’s purposes, though, I thought I’d share with you a recent experience that proves that even when two people are fairly well-versed in the joys of sex toys and sexy products, things can go horribly wrong.
My current partner and I are pretty kinky. We have a whole tool kit that we often incorporate into our play, and we’re growing it all the time (especially as I do moresex toy reviews!). One of the things I was gifted from a friend was some “warming massage oil,” intended not only for massaging your shoulders and back, but also for adding some warming sensation elsewhere too.
It sat, untouched, on my coffee table (read: I’m poor, so “coffee table” means “$12 trunk with stickers on it that I snagged from the East Bay Depot for Creative Reuse”) for several weeks. Both my partner and I kept bringing it up as something we should try. It was intended to be one of those “spice up your love life!” packages, which felt silly for us to want to use, especially considering the other tools and activities in our sex life. Still, we thought, “Why not?”
Fast forward to one evening where we had gone on a date, gone for drinks, and hurriedly headed home for private time. We were furiously making out, running each other into the kitchen counters and tripping over solitary shoes that were left in the pathway to the couch. We started to discard each other’s clothing without any kind of grace.
Listen, I love the art of tease and denial. I love building my partner’s (and my own) anticipation, and fighting for who is going to fall prey to their own desire first. It’s a game that I have loved personally, and a skill that I often use professionally. The anticipation, even without any kind of release, is its own gift. The tension and electricity that exists in the ephemeral space where skin on skin contact has barely been achieved is something I wish I could bottle and save for rainy days. Sometimes, though, it’s necessary to smash faces, rip clothes, and leave (CONSENSUAL) bruises.
We stopped fucking around and he stopped fingering me momentarily to grab the oils from the coffee table.
He grabbed his choice of oils and rubbed it on my outside of my cunt.
The warm, wet sensation of the oil was just what I wanted to feel. It was a slight warmth on the lips of my already soaking cunt, and then…
“OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD!! STOP TOUCHING ME!!! STOP TOUCHING ME,” I yelled at my partner as I fled to the bathroom in a panic, naked except for the panties still wrapped around my right ankle.
Dumbfounded, he responded, “Okay! Are you okay!?? What’s going on!?? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!”
I didn’t have time to respond. I ran to the bathroom, grabbed a makeup remover wipe as I sat on the edge of the bathtub with my legs spread, and frantically wiped all of the massage oil from my body.
That “warming sensation” had turned into a hot sensation.
Hot as in burning.
Burning as in painful.
Painful as in OW, OW, MY JUNK.
I waddled back into where my partner was waiting for me, still confused and completely concerned.
“I’m okay, but baby, that stuff…that stuff…is not good.”
We both looked at each other for a moment and started laughing hysterically.
Upon inspecting the package, we discovered that we hadn’t used it incorrectly, but that perhaps it wasn’t the particular sensation that worked out for me.
In retrospect, we both should have figured that this result was a possibility, as we both have had experiences that paralleled this one in the past. As I said: Even sex toy veterans can make classic mistakes in the heat of the moment. Whoops.
And hey, let’s say that you really, truly don’t have a story to enter (SKEPTICAL), at least go give the existing entries a read and share the link with your friends. The prizes are pretty rad, and can be used for you OR a partner (or for some quality time together…hopefully with more successful results that the story I just shared with you!).
If you’ve been keeping up, you will know that you only have a few days (less than a week!) to enter your story into the Orgasmic Tales Sex Toy Contest.
Click here to find the links to our judges stories, as well as updates on some of the other goodies added to the prize baskets. The prizes are rad, including toys and swag from Astroglide, Gasm.Org, Eden Fantasys, Babeland, and more.
Don’t forget to share the link with your friends!
Let’s destigmatize the conversation about sex toys and masturbation. Get to it.
I purchased my very first sex toy when I was 19 years old. I was galavanting around the village with friends one night after work. We decided to go into one of the many sex shops that lined the streets for shit and giggles. Up until that very moment I had never thought of using a sex toy of any…
Check out Orgasmic Tales judge Dirty Lola’s sex toy story.
That sex toy contest I mentioned? Here are the details!
Welcome to the ORGASMIC TALES: Sex Toy Contest!
Watch the video above for the basics, the read below for details!
HOW TO ENTER:
All you have to do is post your story in the comments section below!
Remember, you can choose one of three options to write about:
Your first experience buying a sex toy
Your first experience using a sex toy
Your most noteworthy sex toy experience
Remember to put your information along with your comment so we know how to find you!
Each of the judges will give your story a scoring on five categories: humor, sexiness, horror, uniqueness and style (that last one means storytelling ability!). There will also be a People’s Choice prize for the favorite of the crowd, and additional opportunities to earn extra points through social media—we’ll tell you more about that next week!
(Pssst, in advance: One extra point goes to those who reblog the contest details. Do your business!)
The contest is going to go on through July 6th, 2012!
You can only enter once, but as has already been said: Check back to read the stories of the judges, and to find out more on how to gain those pesky little extra credit points that may tip you over the edge.
Super special extra thank yous to Babeland and Kim for their generous donations! Unfortunately, shipping costs prohibit this from going outside the USA at this time.
Just in case you hadn’t seen the original post.
(Sorry, Tumblrfriends who have already seen this—I’m going to keep plugging* it until you enter. Click here to do so!)
It was brought to my attention by Kim, who donated some goodies for the Orgasmic Tales contest, that some people may be afraid to comment because they don’t realize they can still be anonymous while providing an email.
Remember that when you fill out your comment, even if you leave an email, you can still sign your name as “anonymous” and the comment WILL NOT SHARE your contact information. See a screen cap of what that looks like here.
So go for it!
Refresh yourself on what the contest is, what prizes are offered, and enter here.
Remember how I promised the judges would be sharing their own sex toy stories? Amanda, from Dating is Miserable, shared hers. It includes a picture of a glittery dildo with eyes. Read it. Enter the contest. Share the link.