I know many women who would love to have sex with smaller partners but feel that it wouldn’t work mechanically, that two drastically different bodies couldn’t come together in a pleasurable way. Additionally, many women who do have smaller partners tell me they don’t totally enjoy sex because they feel self-conscious, embarrassed, or unfulfilled because they can’t “let go” during sex. This brings me to what I feel is one of the most important parts of enjoying sex as a fat woman:
You’ll need to overcome the idea that your partner doesn’t know how fat you are.
Your partner knows, and guess what? He or she wants to have sex with you. When I was a young chubbette, I remember trying to contort my body into more “flattering” positions while I was having sex, as if my partner didn’t notice my belly was getting paunchy. I’d arch my back, refuse to do positions that made me “feel fat,” and drape different parts of my body with a blanket or pillow to hide my increasingly chubby body. Sometimes that made me feel more at ease, but mostly it became tedious, distracted me from feeling sexy, and annoyed the crap out of my partner who just wanted to see his hot girlfriend naked. Once I became much larger than I’d been before, I simply refused to have the lights on during sex for the same reason — “He won’t know what my body looks like if I don’t show him.” Well, he totally knew how fat I was, and guess what? He still wanted to have sex with me, and what’s more, he loved having sex with me. It took me a long time to realize that my partners were having sex with me in part because of the way my body looks, not in spite of the way my body looks. It sounds simple, I know, but when you spend your whole life being told that fat bodies are not sexy, it takes some time to realize that sexiness isn’t that simple. This understanding is not something that happens overnight for most of us. Hell, it can take years. But, the sooner you learn (yes, learn) to feel sexy just the way you are, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy your sexuality more fully. Really, this goes for men and women of all sizes, not just fat women. You owe it to yourself and your partner to trust that he or she really desires you and to do the best you can to keep that in mind when you find you have a hard time letting go and really being seen during sex.