One of my friends was outside the Supreme Court yesterday protesting for GetEqual. She post this on Facebook today.
“The Human Rights Campaign asked us to take down our trans* flag because ‘marriage equality is not a transgender issue.’
They said this to one of our activists as well as a transgender person who held the flag. We stood our ground, and flew our flag proudly.
That flag flew behind the podium ALL day today, keep an eye for it on the news.”
This apparently happened twice. Well done, HRC. Well done. But I’m not allowed to be critical of your campaign. Get the fuck out of here.
11:24 pm • 27 March 2013 • 4,382 notes • View comments
I don’t know if I mentioned it, but something I wrote was put in a real life book! Dead Cow Girl, writer & editrix extraordinaire, compiled stories from women about sexual desire, and has made it her mission to de-stigmatize women’s sexuality.
Buy Glitter on Amazon now!
7:27 pm • 27 March 2013 • 3 notes • View comments
Traveling Sex Workers:
When you travel, do you up your rates if the places you are traveling to are significantly more expensive than where your home base is (particularly if the spaces you are renting are more expensive)?
12:52 pm • 27 March 2013 • 4 notes • View comments
“All press is good press” IS NOT A THING WHEN YOU ARE A SEX WORKER.
Deciding whether or not to be interviewed for a story can be difficult. Compounding this difficulty is the fact that reporters must move quickly and you may miss a vital opportunity by being too cautious. Often the initial contact is hours if not minutes away from the reporter’s deadline.
But, just like many workers in the sex industry screen clients, we should screen reporters to decide whether or not we want to talk with them.
RedUP’s media guide has five pages devoted to doing intake of reporter inquiries, negotiating an interview, and reducing your stress when you’re dealing with the media.
Download RedUP’s free, 35-page Speak Up! Guide to Strategic Media Tools and Tactics to Amplify the Voices of People in the Sex Trades.
And if you want to spend a whole weekend learning and practicing media tactics in a peer-led media workshop for people in the sex trades, apply for Red Umbrella Project’s Media Training Intensive, taking place in NYC May 17-19. Deadline is April 16.
I really, really wish I could go to this. :(
9:32 am • 27 March 2013 • 14 notes • View comments
Anxiety Monsters & Statement of Intention
Lately, I have felt like I’m floating. I haven’t been working toward anything, in combination with some major sex worker self-loathing (HELLO, JERKBRAIN) and dissatisfaction overall.
I worked a little in New York after Catalyst Con East, and then ended up canceling a major session last minute when I was approaching an honest-to-god panic attack.
I needed the session. I needed the money. I was so on the verge of having a meltdown, though (which I bled all over Twitter and got a ton of support from the fucking amazing sex worker community I’m connected with), that I canceled.
I had been battling with my social anxiety all weekend at CCon, and had shoved it aside (or stifled it with a few glasses of wine). Social obligations take a huge toll on my psyche; if I miss things because I need to be alone, I feel guilty and sad that I missed out. If I go, I suffer for it later. I feel this acutely in places like CCon, where there are so many admirable, intelligent people that I love chatting with.
I didn’t take the time to recover from CCon, immediately traveling by bus from DC to NY (in the snow! which I wasn’t prepared for!), and then having a long shopping/lunch date with a client the next day. By the time that next session was coming up, I couldn’t hang. My throat felt like it was closing up, and I woke up my partner from a nap because I was crying and hyperventilating. Cool.
I present well, so I don’t think I read as anxious as I usually feel. As I’ve gotten older, my anxiety has increasingly gotten worse, too. This isn’t doing me any favors with sex work, which requires mental and social engagement.
I don’t hate my job (most of the time?), but the balance of needing money versus my own psychological well-being isn’t always being honored right now. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to sustain this.
Sidenote: It feels weird to admit that; are people in my own community going to hate me because I am not confident that I want to be here? Does that make me a big fat liar in some way? Am I doing something wrong here?
It’s possible that I’m having some unnecessary and irrational fear about this. Obviously, I don’t go to large social gatherings ALL THE TIME and I don’t always require so much handling for my social anxiety.
Point is: I need to be better at prioritizing my goals, as well as be better about my own self-care.
I’m going to publicly state some of my goals in an attempt to hold myself accountable to them, and to make them real by way of sharing them.
- Move to New York with my partner.
- Craft better strategies for self-care. I need to focus on maintaining physical self-care (eating well, working out, making myself sleep properly), as well as acknowledging my needs surrounding my anxiety. This means that hey, if I need to stay in my house and not talk to anyone for a minute, if I can manage it, I need to do it.
- Focus on building my domme business without compromising the above things.
- Continue to build my sex worker community. Honestly, without knowing so many sex workers…I don’t know what I would do. I know a bunch in person and on the internet, but I would love to build those friendships beyond seeing everyone once every six months or something. I’m sure that seems potentially counterintuitive after mentioning my own social anxiety, but what I’ve learned from when things have gone well is that it is about balance. Seclusion is just as damaging as overexposure. (I know we’re all a bunch of creepy recluses who live on Twitter, but I would love to have people over for tea, or to go on bike rides, or to get food with. So hey, if you’re in the Bay, let’s do that.)
- Create an exit strategy through education. Right now, sex work is pretty much my only real option, unless I want to work for shit wage that won’t pay my bills even if I work full time (and will guarantee my own misery). Who knows if I will even utilize that strategy, but I want to feel like I have more options. I want to always feel like I have options, no matter what my job/career situation is, and a step toward doing that is not being quite so fucking undereducated. Trade school? I don’t know. I’m doing research and figuring out what seems like something manageable.
- Build on sex worker advocacy and activism. Volunteer more. Do more for other people.
Some of those are nebulous, but I believe I have the tools to make them all happen. Here’s my statement of intention. Help hold me to it, friends and universe.
7:16 pm • 25 March 2013 • 4 notes • View comments
want to fix you
or fuck you
I can’t be fixed
and I don’t care to be saved
— Jeanann Verlee, men (via funpoolparty)
(Source: fypoetry, via inmidnightblood)
6:00 pm • 20 March 2013 • 28,489 notes • View comments